Monday 28 October 2013

How to win with HR

From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:32am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Complaint regarding your conduct

Hello Nick,

It has come to my attention that we may need to have a conversation about your behaviour and conduct in the office. Could you please come by and see me at your convenience?

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
__________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:47am
To: Margaret Fletcher
Subject: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Margaret,

Certainly, I have taken the liberty of scheduling a meeting for us at my convenience.



Kind Regards,
Nick Alexander
__________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:48am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Mr. Alexander, I am not sure that you are taking this matter seriously. Do you really expect that the HR department owes you an apology? For what?

You set this meeting for the year 2016!

This is exactly the type of behavior that we need to talk about. Please make some time available this afternoon to talk.

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
__________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:51am
To: Margaret Fletcher
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Maggie,

It is easy to see why you may be confused in regards to you owing me an apology for this terrible mistake you have made. I understand that people become HR managers because real school is hard. At least you tried to do something with your life and that is admirable.

I do not understand if there is an issue or not with the meeting time I have set. You made a statement that clearly I was aware of as I set the meeting. I can only assume that this is some cryptic HR tactic and you are being passive aggressive. The meeting was set in accordance with your instructions, at my convenience. If this is not what you wanted you should have stated otherwise.

Also this afternoon will not work for me as I have a previous meeting scheduled that I simply cannot cancel.

Regards Nick
__________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:53am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

My name is not Maggie.

I am insulted by your statement. I went to a real school and have a degree in human resource management.

You are making this very difficult. This is a serious matter and we need to talk about it today. I checked your calendar and you have the entire afternoon blocked off with a meeting called “Not Meeting with HR – Busy”. This is not acceptable.

Find a time that works for you and arrange for us to meet.

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
 __________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:56am
To: Margaret Fletcher
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Marge,

I apologize, after looking into it you are correct, you did attend a real school. I was not aware that the Adult Learning Center was considered a formal education. I learn something new every day.

As you have not stated what the matter at hand is, I am unable to make any assertion as to the true seriousness of the matter.

I have considered your last email and have checked my schedule to find a time that works for me. I propose the following time for you to make your formal apology.



Regards, Nick
__________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 11:59am
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Mr. Alexander your conduct is completely inappropriate and I will have to write a formal statement.

Do not call me Marge.

This matter is very serious. There was a complaint that you said “Hey sailor” to Sean Musenukle and then pinched him on his rear end. This could be grounds for dismissal and we need to talk about this.

Again, you have sent the same meeting invite for 2016. This will not work. Please take this matter more seriously.

When can I come by your office to discuss this?

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
 __________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 12:03pm
To: Margaret Fletcher

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Madge,

I see this is going to be a challenge as you often seem to be easily confused. Perhaps the Adult Learning Center should have its curriculum audited.

Again you are making statements that I am already aware of. I am not sure why you insist on sharing information with me that I already know. I know because I was there. Perhaps if I use smaller words with pictures it would help eliminate the confusion.

Did Sean Musenukle (how do you say his last name?) tell on me? I knew a school girl that was like that. She was always running to the teacher saying terrible things like “Nick put gum in my hair.” Or “Nick let me cheat off him but he gave me all the wrong answers.”

I am not sure Sean’s behaviour is conducive to this collaborative team environment. Would you like to talk about this some more?

Regards Nick
__________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 12:11pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Nick,

My name is Margaret!

Are you admitting that that you said “Hey sailor” to Sean Musenunkle and then pinched is rear end? And it is pronounced moose knuckle.

Referring to Sean as a “school girl” is also not appropriate. We are taking about your behaviour and not Sean’s.

Now what do you have to say for yourself?

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
__________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 12:14pm
To: Margaret Fletcher

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Peggy,

I once watched a documentary where a university taught some chimps to speak sign language. Perhaps the Adult Learning Center could adapt similar techniques in their education strategy. It could only help.

For the record I said I knew a school girl not that Sean was one. Do you think he acts like a school girl? I am an adult and do not need to be told how inappropriate it would be to refer to another man as a school girl. I’m not sure what kind of person you think I am?

I can make arrangements to come by your office in about an hour for your apology. Would it be possible for you to provide it and writing? You could then simply read it aloud.

Also when I come by could you sign my overtime sheet? This is using up my lunch break and I will need authorization for the overtime.

Regards Nick
 __________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 12:19pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Jesus Christ my name is Margaret! That is it, just Margaret. My friends call me Margaret.

Look, I don’t know what game you are trying to play here. I know that you said “Hey sailor” to Moose Knuckle and then grabbed his ass and you did it in a gay voice. I know this because he came running to me like a little "school girl" because you hurt his feelings.

You are not getting any overtime and I am not going to sign your sheet.

I am going to write a letter for your file and recommend that you be terminated.

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
 __________________________________________________
From: Nick Alexander
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 12:22pm
To: Margaret Fletcher
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Dear Margaret,

I am very troubled by your last email. While I am glad that you consider me a friend and that I may call you Margaret as the rest of your friends do, I feel we need to address some of your accusations.

I think it is wrong for you to call Mr. Musenukle “Moose Knuckle”, I am sure it would hurt his feelings to know this. Did you know he was teased a lot as a child?

I did say hey sailor to Sean. He was talking to everyone about his new shirt. It was nautical themed. I said “Hey sailor” in a jovial manner and in celebration of his new shirt. When Sean turned around he had some food stuck to his rear pocket. It looked like part of a cookie. I removed it because I wouldn't want to walk around with that stuck to my pocket and have people laughing at me.

What I am most upset about is that fact you said I sound homosexual and that you are recommending that I be terminated because of this.

I’m not sure if you are aware but the employment standards acts states that I am entitled to overtime when I work it. Your refusal of overtime is in fact illegal. The Adult Learning Center my not have taught you this and I’m not sure if this is covered in HR courses, but there is a website and everything where you can verify this information.

Could you please arrange a time at your convenience so that we may talk about your behaviour and conduct in the office and also so that you may apologize to me.


Regards Nick
 __________________________________________________
From: Margaret Fletcher
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 12:23pm
To: Nick Alexander
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Complaint regarding your conduct

Nick, we are not friends and you cannot call me Margaret! You and Moose Knuckle can go fuck yourselves. You are both a bunch of school girls. You are not getting any kind of apology from me. You are a worthless human being. If you don't want to be called gay then don't act like one. Start looking for another job your kind is not welcome here. 

I have a degree in human resources and I know what the rules are. Go to hell!

Thank you,
Margaret Fletcher
Human Resources Manager
 __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________



From: Michael Woodswittle
Date: Monday 28, October 2013 1:14pm
To: All Employees
Subject: Margaret Fletcher, Human Resources Manager


Hello Everyone,

Effective immediately Ms. Fletcher will be taking some time off to work on personal matters and undergo some sensitivity training. In the interim Cathy Grey will be filling the role of Human Resources Manager. Please direct any HR matters to Cathy.

We wish Ms. Fletcher all the best in dealing with this personal matter.

Sincerely,

Mike Woodswittle

President & CEO 

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