Fishy Eater

Dear Fishy Eater,

You are all that is wrong with society. Thank you for providing further proof to my cause that some people should be dragged into the street and stoned to death. Your children hate you, but not as much as I do. It is no wonder that your spouse is sleeping with your best friend. They both also hate you.

What makes you think that it is acceptable to microwave your leftover fish at work? Did your parents not give you enough love? Is this about the hole-punch someone took from your desk? It belonged in the copy room anyway. What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously, we all want to know.

Thank you for filling the office with the pungent order of your left overfish. I just threw up in my mouth. My olfactory nerve has suffered irreparable damage. When I find out who you are I will stab you in the eye with my pen. You should feel my pain. All work has now stopped in the office because of you. Is this some form of terrorism? Do you work for Al-Qaeda?

Are you the result of what happens when you do too many drugs? We took a poll in the office and decided it would be best for everyone if you just died. It will take the rest of the day to get this stench out of the office. I will have to burn my clothes when I get home as that is the only reasonable way to get rid of this smell.

When I find out who you are I will shit in your desk drawer; you can save it for later, apparently you enjoy offensive odors. I hope you choke on a fish bone. Has it not become apparent to you that you are a horrible human being?

I understand that you are probably trying to save money by eating leftovers; or perhaps and more likely on a diet and trying to eat healthy but do that shit on your own time at home. No one cares that you think you are fat and need to eat healthy. Eat a carrot!

No one here wants to smell that shit your wife cooked last night. You married her, your problem. Please don’t’ bring your personal life to work and “share”. Make a sandwich or get some takeout like every other normal person in this office. It is a shame that you have come to think that this smell is normal and acceptable. It is not. If you wife tells you it is, tell her to see a doctor.

Please be considerate to others in this office and leave your fish at home. If you bring fish to work again rest assured that I probably found it in the fridge before lunch and pissed on it.

Sincerely,

Nick Alexander